See, Hear, Speak no Evil

I see the world in colors,
but lately all I’ve seen is flames.

Ignorance is besting,
all that common sense has claimed.

Panic is overwhelming,
even the calmest of days.

And I wonder as I wander over ashes in the fields,
If this is what humanity means then why are we still here.
Echo’s of the end of days are ringing in my ears,
And I keep thinking maybe that’s the reason why we are still here.

I am deafened by the sounds,
So much is being yelled out to the world.

Violence is an outcry,
But responsibilities are blurred.

Anger is commonplace,
In all the boys and girls.

And I ponder as I prance about in blood-soaked avenues,
If this is what God made for us, then why are we of use.
Nature is trying to end us all with sickness and abuse.
And I keep thinking maybe that is why we still have a use.

I am speaking loud and long,
But what I say is not loud enough.

Logic is not present,
It has become a Diamond in the Rough.

Greed is a poison,
And our hope for a cure is tough.

And I daydream as I dance in the ballroom made of fright,
If this is our legacy, will our children know what’s right?
I wonder if God realizes how far we’ve fallen from light,
And I keep thinking if our children will really be alright.

Messages

I sent a message out to sea, and waited for a response.
I watched it settle, I watched it sway, and with a lowly wave it was gone.
Cursed I did and I parted ways with the ever-changing horizon.

I tied a message to a pigeon, and watched its ascension.
It flapped its wings this way and that, towards the wrong direction.
Stomped I did and shunned the birds with faulty navigation.

I carved a message in a tree, and left it for the night.
But loggers came and took the tree and left me no reply.
Protested I did, and off I went to plan my next outcry.

I spray-painted a message on the side of a building, and waited for a reaction.
They came, they saw, they reported and shared without giving me recognition.
Arrested I was, quickly too, as this was apparently vandalism.

Whipping Boy

Whipping Boy oh Whipping Boy…
You’re not running fast enough.
The world is catching up to you
And when it does you know you will be punished.

Punished? Yes Punished!
You are the scapegoat
If you have spare moments my friend
You are not working hard enough

Enough! I say Enough!
No more slacking, no more waiting
I demand for you to be perfect
There are no excuses for failure!

Failure, you are a failure!
You’ll never be good enough
You’ll never be fast enough
Oh whipping boy, it’s a trap.

Trap, you are trapped.
No one can save you from your lot.
Stand up Whipping boy.
Stand up and fight back.

Back, you mongers go back!
He’s had enough and he’s coming around.
The Whipping Boy has learned his say.
And you will listen.

Listen to me, Listen!
Or suffer the fate of words.
When you oppress and restrict,
The Whipping Boy will come back for you.

Lament

You've circled this tower once before,
and I let down my hair,
among the books and ambiance,
you saved me.
But again I'm in this tower,
and though I've seen you circle,
there is no rescuing me tonight.
My knight you save me once
but no shining armor can reach me now
but the spell you cast was heavy
and this heart of mine is haunted
by the memory of your embrace
the soft chills from when you caressed my skin
trickle down my back still today
but please Sir Knight
I'm afraid there is no saving me this time.
so please don't taunt me
with those eyes that cannot be forgotten
though I long to see you circle this tower
it is just too tall
and I am just too afraid to fall.
Although I will despair
eventually i will fade away
I will become a distant thought
You will find a new tower
With a new princess
who longs to be saved by you.
And I'll cling to this ghost of you Sir Knight,
As I dwell in my tower
Circled no more.

A Sinners Play

Set me in a cliche and watch this story unfold.
Of course it's going to be this way.
A fitting punishment for a sinner like me.
Drifting and shifting like the plates beneath our feet.
Some tragic play for the world to see.
My own hell is to stand on this stage.
The crowd laughs at my misfortunes.
When can I get my intermission?
Cue to the curtain, silky red savior splashing down at my feet.
Now is my time to exit stage right.
I am no actor to cater to a crowd of fools.
But this is my hell.
Cue the curtain and I'm back on stage.
Playing along with these shadows of souls.
What is real and what is fabrication?
When we are all on a stage.
Dante prepared this only for me.
My own circle of hell.
A stage where I put on all the masks I've worn.
All the lies I've told are the tragedies for the world to see.
It's only fitting for a sinner like me.

be/lie/ve

I'm waiting, though it's selfish.
I shouldn't expect anything, it wouldn't be fair.
But it's just how I am.
So many things to say,
but not enough words...
or courage.
What's the point, it's all just a dream anyway.
And dreams are nothing but fabrications of human desires or fears.
What am I waiting for?
And why can't I just keep going?
Why do I feel so slow and still.
I'm drowning in a sea that isn't real.
Choking on water that doesn't exist.
Gasping for air that is too pure for my lungs.
There is no reason.
And though I have no reason for it, I can't help this.
My heart is breaking and I don't know why.
I'm exhausted from trying to live up to my own expectations.
Am I breaking my own heart?
I feel so betrayed, as if I've been lying to myself for so long.
I'm naive to have so many dreams,
We both know they'll never come true.
So why is it so easy, and why does it hurt so much.
Tell me heart.
Tell me.

the fires eyes

the flame burns
but i cannot feel it without consequence.
i want to feel it,
so intense, this need paralyzes me in an instant.
i could succumb and perish,
be swallowed in a foreign flame,
and then exist only as ashes to the wind.
forever left to wander through the sky until i land in solace.
the fire is before me,
and though his eyes, like gravity, seem to pull me in,
i am left grounded and unscathed.
am i more courageous to stand still?
or a coward for not feeding the flame?
ashes, ashes lead a path to ruin,
but even in the aftermath of flame,
life can begin anew.
those eyes, the fires eyes and their gravity.
so catastrophicly captivating,
but are they tempting enough
for me to burn.

The City is Sweet Symphony

watching the street exhale
concrete breathes in the sweet symphony of foul play, fake love and lost dreams.
Here we are in this city, planning on a future unknown.
"I'll be more than I was, you'll see."

But we've seen what you've become.
Nothing better than you were.
Maybe a bit older, possibly a bit smarter, most likely lesser of both,
but definately more experienced.
We've been hurt, violated, loved, forgotten, loathed..
intimidated and intimidating, and everything in between.
It's what happens when we leave the safety
of our front doors.

When our feet meet that street
there is no turning back.
Step through the smoke,
look to the beautiful bars that barricade you in.
Here is the chance you wanted.

Become something better than we were.

It's your chance to create a harmony to the symphony of the city.

Tomorrow now Today

So yesterday is another day I'd like to forget,
Because it was another day I lived without you,
Tomorrow is a day that I hope not to regret,
Though it will be another day I lived without you.
I only want today to be tomorrow
If you're there for me to hold
Tell me is tomorrow now today?
Is tomorrow now today?
This year is now over, and a new one is to begin,
But it is not my year if you aren't here with me.
And months will come and go, and the Days drag out and in
But they are days I will push away if you aren't here with me.
I only want today to be tomorrow
If you're there for me to hold
Tell me is tomorrow now today?
Is tomorrow now today?
Is tomorrow now today
Is there room enough in your heart for me?
These minutes are unbearable, Time is just to rough
If I can't share these moments with you.
The Seconds go by so quickly and Hours are so tough
If I can't have these moments with you.
Can today be tomorrow
Can you be there for me to hold
Tell me is tomorrow now today?
Please, can tomorrow be today?

December Epiphany

And so this chapter of my life I close,
Nearing the end of the year and the end of a journey.
The lessons I have learned
The feelings I have felt
The people I have met,
All these things justify the years course.
It's in parting we find truths,
It is in the 'goodbyes' we find clarity.
There are moments I will always cherish,
Embraces I will never forget,
Words that will forever linger,
And life that I will never regret.
Tomorrow will come and I will begin again
Down a road paved with hope and determination.
And I won't look back towards memories fair
Because I know I am not sad in leaving
Only happy to have left
With such great joy
In the meetings and the feelings,
In all I had there.

So to the Night!

So to the night I say,
"Bring quickly to me the day!
For I am tired and need the change,
Of what tomorrow may exchange,"
So the night says to me,
"Still child, you must be,
Others to await the sun,
You are not the only one."
"But Night you must see,
How dearly important this is to me,
Others wait just as I
But they don't seek the Lullaby"
Night replied so graciously,
"Dear child I do see,
But if I raise the sun too soon
Others will beg me for the Moon.

I do understand your plight,
And why you must take the flight.
But be still and wait your turn
Patience is what you must learn."
I bow to the Night and say,
"I understand and humbly pray
That you'll forgive me for my petulance,
I do forget my arrogance.

Farewell dear Night, I will away
To bed and pillows I will stay
And wait for sleep in me to fill
to keep me calm, here, and still."
"Tomorrow will come and go
Just as you will it so
And soon you will journey free
Into the place you long to be."
And the Night tucked me in
With starlight and a grin.
The sun will rise and bring the dawn,
And Night will soon be gone.

Fly

I feel elated, but my heart is heavy.
Acting as a weight, when i just want to fly.
Up and down, and all around my emotions are on a merry go round.
Do I stop or go, Oh i just don't know,
I am sitting on the edge of reason and I wanna jump down, down, down, down.

Here I go, I've lost control, just running round this wonderland staying on my toes.
Scared but sure, that this pleasant torture, is my reason to start climbing back up, up, up, up!
Torn between the two, Do I want to fly or fall down to the bottom where I roam alone.
I feel elated, but my heart is heavy. Acting as a weight when I just want to fly. Baby let me fly.

come clean

i miss the raindrops, i miss the sound
of my sins falling away, and my heart coming clean
shedding the skin of hollowed out hatred
shaking the loneliness out of my head
dripping away to the ground like filth
filth falling from a dirty state of mind
i miss standing there and being forgiven
the raindrops saved me, condemned me
i miss that feeling of clarity, that assurance
that everything, all of it, was going to be ok
that's what i felt when i stood
naked of my emotions, void of my thoughts
chin up, face first, towards the rain.
droplets falling, never knowing
which ones were raindrops, and which ones were tears
because i finally would get to feel free
free of the burdens, free of the cares
free of the stress, free of the pain
free of the love, free of the responsibility
in that moment it's just the rain and me.
and we're dancing together, celebrating
the moment where i can finally come clean.

A Conversation Between the Brain and the Heart

We fight a war almost everyday,
Between logic and feelings.
Our brains tell us, "No you fool!"
Our hearts tell us, "You are thinking clearly."
Said the brain to the heart one day,
"Oh you are such a silly thing!
Dreaming of circumstances so far off,
Making big deals out of small things!

You twist simple word and phrases
Into meanings they are not.
And you are just to fragile,
To survive a whole lot!
When you are happy it's even worse!
You thump, and thump so happily
Making such a racket,
That I cannot think clearly.

And when you are broken and sad
I stumble where ever I go
Because you over dramatize everything
And use the whole body to show.
When misery engulfs you
You suddenly feel so heavy,
And try as I might,
I can never make you happy.

But when you feel joy
The whole body reacts with such vigor!
I'm left wondering,
Why you always end it, always and never..

Oh you heart, you are such a silly thing
You can never compromise
Between love, hate, joy and sadness,
You expect perfection on the first try!
With such high expectations,
I worry about you, friend!
You'll never make in anywhere,
Except, broken, in the end.

I think you should heed my words
And take them with delight
Leave the logic and understanding to me
Since you can never do it right.

In the end I think we'll both be satisfied,
If we help one another out,
You will have love and other things
And I won't feel so left out!"
Said the heart to the brain,
In a rather busy way,
"Oh you silly brain! you've done it again!
You've gotten in my way!

You and your logic!
Your stupid understanding
You make it so very hard
So VERY hard, to do anything!

If I waited forever like you
I'd never be able too decide
I'm busy down here you know?
I have to keep the body alive.

I don't have time to think clearly
I must always use my gut!
Intuition is a gift I have!
Anything else is inadequate!
All you do is ponder things
No wonder you felt inclined
To ponder how I do my job
And how I use my time.

Well let me tell you something,
It's hard the job I have to do!
Pumping all this blood in and out
And falling in love too!

I don't enjoy my range of emotions,
You're not the only one there
But someone has to do it!
And I've been placed here to care.

My sadness can be unbearable
And it interferes with my job
But with sadness like that
Anyone would be a slob.

And happiness is so much worse!
I work at thrice the pace!
I get so exhausted...
And sometimes, it's a waste.

But believe it or not
You need me you silly brain.
Because when I fall in love
You really seem to change.
So I know why you pester me
And I understand why
You want me to hurry up,
Hurry up and decide.
But love is no simple quest my dear,
A lot of things are involved.
Be it how I feel and how you see things
It's a problem we both need to solve.

So I agree, lets join together.
The both of us shall and will
Make the best decision we see fit
Always and still."
Said the brain to the heart once more,
"I believe you are on to something,
I apologize for rushing you
But I am rather lonely.
All day long I talk to myself
Trying to figure you out
Only to be stuck in a rut
And completely filled with doubt.
But you cleared some of this up for me!
And to that I thank you.
Now lets debate this current event
And see what we can do!"
Said the heart to the brain
One last time:
"I believe that you are right my friend!
a collaboration between you and I!
But we must be careful
For if we fail,
We'll both be miserable
And that will end our tale.
Love is beautiful
But love is hard.
We must both work together
To make it far.
So leave the feeling to me
And you just analyze
And I'm sure togehter that we
Will finally get it right."

sweet catastrophe

Suffer me to cherish you my sweet catastrophe. You are indeed a beautiful maelstrom.
Write, and release.
Write, and release.
Free your muse of its tangled bonds, my sweet catastrophe. Get lost in the wonderland of words.
Write, and release.
Write, and release.
Let me learn all I can from you my sweet catastrophe. Your intricate web of thoughts intrigue me.
Write, and release.
Write, and release.
Flow like the river you've become my sweet catastrophe. Flood over me with the water of your soul.
Write, and release.
Write, and release.

more old poetry

Destination

Slowly drips the candle wax
The existing proof of time
Filled with tall tales and hard facts
With reason and with rhyme

Gently does the fair breeze blow
Filled with scents of serenity
With fragrances only nature knows
To calm a world full of profanity

Gracefully the autumn leaves begin to fly
Drifting in their solace
Never stopping to ask why
As they fan towards the grounds sweet kiss

Sadly the world begins to decay
Into a void of desolation
No fragrance, breeze, or leaves to calm the days
As we reach our destination.

***

Average Man

How I pity the average man!
No imagination to provoke
No thoughts to ponder
No free will to evoke?

How I envy those who live simply!
Find the joy in everyday
Those who enjoy the sounds of life
Who free themselves of evil ways

How I curse those who mock us!
Us imaginative beings
Who are plagued themselves by thoughts
Thoughts of worldly views and things.

How I wish I was the average man!
Then I could sort those feelings
These words that haunt me everyday
That leave my will fighting.

***

Life

I can not recall
the last time i was fine
lately it seemed so dark
in my state of mind

But now things are ok
and there isn't any despair
things are looking up
the world is bad and I don't care!

In all my life
I have learned one thing
the only way to survive
is to live, laugh, and sing

So laugh away pain
sing yourself a song
live in the now
for that's where I belong

***

Happy

if i could save you from ever feeling pain,
i could say i lived enough to die happy

if i could prevent you ever feeling lonely,
i could give enough to be happy

if i could shelter you from a never ending cold,
i could feel full enough to be happy

if i could hold you when the world crowded you,
i could feel brave enough to be happy.

***

Old Poetry

This is one I wrote in 8th grade:

Scrapbook of Memories

Many nights I stay awake,
Afraid of the dreams that you will take
Lost in a void of darkness so black,
Followed by memories that you can't take back.

I see you everyday on dusty photographs.
Remembering the pain and all the laughs,
I love the way you looked on that picture I took,
So happy even though you're life was an open book.

We both shared our pain on the writing of pages,
we both felt the same, like we were locked in cages.
How long will it take before that book I burn?
So I will never have to look at those pictures I yearn.

May my journal burn; be consumed by the flame.
So I can destroy the hurt and the blame.
I will spread the ashes into the dark night,
And pray to god that they never return to my sight.

Untitled

You never lost me
Somewhere within me exists the love I had for you
Only recently did it emerge
And now I have to say goodbye

I lost you
Somehow the fear controlled my every thought
And I gave up on the strength
No I have only memories to rely on

You're leaving now
To someplace you may never return from
That frightens me
I may lose you once again

I'm lost in you
All the emotions I experienced with you
They've resurfaced
And they are all I have left

I wish I could leave this
The hope of your return and our embrace
The pain is too real
And I can't live with it

Don't lose yourself
You are someone whom I will always love
Don't forget
That I will always be here

You never lost me
I have always been here and always will
Come back to me
And find me once again

Butterfly Will

I feel broken
Almost stretched
Time itself seems lacking strength
To the predominance of destiny
Powerless is it, my will,
Succumbing to the indestructible path of aging
It won't stop,
It's ubiquitous,
Coercing me into qualms of wasted time.
Carpe Diem my friend,
The entity, my souls, says
While it is under the influence and drunken with defeat to fate.
Seize the day
Because death won't fail in obtaining the fatal touch.
I'm slipping and falling away
Towards the voidance of insecurity,
Reincarnate me into a butterfly,
They have no will
And mine has failed me.

The Effect of a Broken Heart

I wait upon the pendulum between love and hate,
Only to watch lachrymose at my cursed fate

I look to the side of love, and see love once true
Disconsolance comes from the very image of you

I turn my head to the view of the other side
Now I feel the empty pain of you not in my life

I have made mistakes, so now I am with-held
Between two sorrowful worlds; my heaven and my hell